Amid the scorching summer heat, it’s become clear that it would be totally awesome if the government could get us a little drunk.

The economy’s not getting better, the presidential election is a snooze, and the Olympics remind us that we are really out of shape. So why not, Mr. Obama, let us have one on you?

Let’s make some assumptions about economics: there are 314 million Americans. If we were to assume that around 200 million are of drinking age, and that the government would be buying in considerable (CONSIDERABLE) bulk — driving the price of a single unit to around 10 cents — a beer for all of America would cost the government 20 million dollars. That’s less than a bridge. And a hell of a lot more people would get use out of a beer.

Government beer could even be viewed as an alternative stimulus, because who wants just one beer? Obviously after this initial beer (distributed at post offices throughout the country), we’ll all want to have another, and another, until we forget what a shitty situation we’re all in and that 20 million spent on beer might not be a very good idea. But war isn’t a very good idea either, you hawks, so let’s get wasted.

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