Twitter has been, since its inception, a great equalizer for celebrities: though they all scramble for our attention like so many rats in a sewer, the lame are easily sorted from the self-aware. While the rest of them put together carefully thought-out bon mots or curried favor by posting pictures of themselves with other famous people, Jesse Camp (@RealJesseCamp) — the MTV “Wanna Be a VJ” contest winner who has done nothing of public note since 2000 — effortlessly clawed his way to the top of the fray. With musings ranging from a one-armed ex-girlfriend to the importance of avoiding “suicide music” if you’re trying to get laid (“Play Crue panties hit floor, play Elliott Smith babes run 4 door”), Jesse was unstoppable. Until one day, the music stopped. From my search for closure have come a series of burning questions:
1. Why, after at least two years of public, belligerent, lewd, and verified tweeting, was the greatest Twitter account of our time shut down without warning or explanation?
2. Did anyone screenshot his Tweets before they were taken down? All I have is this one. If you have any leads, DM me.
4. If Jesse Camp was not, in fact, operating this Twitter account and is, in fact, still laying low in LA, how did he have the wherewithal and legal/financial resources to get this faux Twitter account taken down?
5. Was someone other than Jesse concerned enough by this that they independently saw to @RealJesseCamp’s muzzling?
6. If @Dr_Cop really did channel what I assume to be Jesse’s exact verbal style and pathos with such accuracy, why is his personal Twitter so boring?
7. Who did the person behind the alternate fake Jesse Camp Twitter, @JesseCampMTV, which ran for only one day in December 2011, think they were kidding?
8. With the fraud and disappointment of the @RealJesseCamp debacle, has Twitter, and thus social media as a whole, proved to be a ruinous technological and sociological failure?
9. Is everything I’ve ever known and had faith in a hollow fabrication?
10. Am I going to die alone?