Everyone hates a preachy vegan, even (especially) non-preachy vegans. Unfortunately, I recently realized I’ve become the books-equivalent of this terrible type of person – all someone has to do is bring up how much they are enjoying their new Kindle and I jump down their throat about “mafia-style business tactics” and “selling books at a loss and forcing publishers and writers to eat part of the loss.” It’s becoming incredibly unattractive.
Determined to reform my ways, I have developed the following three pronged system to both maintain my moral objection while simultaneously not being a douchebag to casual acquaintances and friends of my girlfriend.
Prong one: If someone brings up Amazon, their (new) (awesome) (convenient for travel and the beach) Kindle, or “buying books online” (which always means Amazon) you can quietly say, “That sounds excellent. I don’t actually shop on Amazon.”
Prong two: Hopefully, someone will then give you an opening by saying, “Why don’t you shop on Amazon?” For the particularly desperate among us, an “Oh really?” provides sufficient enough rationale for you to jump into a metered and succinct take down of Amazon. Speak for less than a minute and focus on only one of Amazon’s litany of evil deeds. Do not blink too much or grip the side of the table until your knuckles turn white. Do not attempt this maneuver when drunk.
Prong three: Finish your takedown by saying, “But from the perspective of the consumer, Amazon is fantastic.” At the very least, this will wipe away any perceptions that you are trying to sit on a moral high horse. (No one likes someone who rails against corporations then pulls out their pack of Marlboros and, believe me, we all have a pack of Marlboros in our closet.) At best, this will make the Amazon user feel guilty they are screwing over artists out of a selfish desire to have “cheap” (grossly undervalued) books.
If one person who would normally automatically go to Amazon buys just one book from an independent bookstore, you have succeeded in your task. Go forth. We are all counting on you.
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