girl talk!!!BFFs and ladyblog-readers Kelly Schmader and Nika Knight chatted online about Molly Fischer’s recent piece in n+1, in which she critiques thehairpin.com, rookiemag.com, jezebel.com, xojane.com, and BFF-dom.

Nika: Kelly, did you see this?

Kelly: YES.

Nika: The end, especially, makes no sense.

Kelly: I think the end is a bunch of crap because I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to bond in a BFF-y way on a website — even though I don’t think that’s what The Hairpin is doing exactly. I mean, yes the commenter community is definitely into itself and wants to be friends but, like, that website is just so fun and clever.

Kelly: I do think that she makes some interesting points… or at least skirts around some interesting points. Tavi’s brand of teenage-dom is peculiar because it’s so deeply rooted in ’90s nostalgia, which she never lived through. But I guess I have fetishized the ’80s which I was born in and don’t remember, in much the same way Tavi was born in the ’90s but doesn’t remember living in them.

Kelly: So it’s like, even though she’s writing for teenage girls and teenage girls can get into it, she’s also writing for older women. And I think that really points back to this concept of arrested development/extended adolescence that people say is now a thing in your 20s. Like people are still holding onto their sticker collections — and you know what? I don’t fucking blame them!

Kelly: Also, I HATE the overuse of the word “lady.”

Nika: Yeah, I think that is one interesting point she made which I had never considered — what does it mean that we refer to ourselves, ubiquitously, as “ladies?”

Kelly: I find that there’s something cutesy about “lady” when it’s paired with other words that bothers me. But, you know. Me and twee is definitely a strained relationship.

Nika: In general, though, I think Molly Fischer is essentially criticizing these sites for delivering what they exist to deliver (excepting maybe Rookie, since it’s for teenagers): funny and smart and engaging things to read on your lunch break. She concedes that they’re not feminist blogs, so they don’t intend to deliver that kind of content, but then (I think) turns around and criticizes them for not delivering that kind of content.

Nika: Like, to please Molly Fischer it seems that you basically have to cater to Molly Fischer — whether it be teenage Molly Fischer or 24-year-old Molly Fischer — and what Molly Fischer wants is a women-centered blogosphere that is STRONG and FEMINIST and CONTROVERSIAL and NOT SILLY AT ALL and those sites totally exist — in fact, that entire blogosphere exists — but those just aren’t the sites that Molly Fischer focuses on in her piece. I honestly can’t figure it out — why did she single out these sites? Also, she excluded Hello Giggles which, if you want to talk about women-centered sites that cater to a superficial, all-inclusive and sugary version of femininity, let’s talk about Hello Giggles.

Kelly: Those are excellent points. It honestly reeks of resentment. Like everyone is at a party at The Hairpin and she wasn’t invited slash doesn’t get the appeal and she’s mad she’s not included.

Kelly: BUT a lot of her points about late Jezebel are true. I hate late-Jezebel. I kind of miss the edginess of Slut Machine.

Nika: True. I was, honestly, with her for all the points about Jezebel, in the beginning of her piece. I think that was a really good summary of Jezebel‘s rise and (sort of) fall. I also think her summary of why xojane.com is such a bizarre place is pretty on point. It’s mainly her criticism of The Hairpin and Rookie that I have trouble with — I think the resentment and myopia of that critique undercuts the (valid) points she makes in the beginning of the piece.

Kelly: As a long-time reader of THE LADYBLOGS I think the thing that has always brought me back to them is what she mentioned, that they provide at least one model for what it means to be a modern woman. And for the most part, I have found this model to be an incredibly liberating one. For example, the concept of the man-child exists so I think it’s interesting that the concept of the lady-child exists (to go back to the concept of extended adolescence).

Nika: Ooh. That is interesting.

Kelly: And I remember reading the entirety of Tracie’s One D at a Time and being totally amazed by it. It just really helped to read about sluttiness in a way that held no judgment whatsoever.

Nika: I think one value of Jezebel and the way its influence lives on was to define feminism for a readership whose experience with it had mainly been historical. It defined feminism as acceptance and introduced things like the concepts of fat- and slut-shaming to the wider internet (or at least, the slice of the internet that reads blogs like Gawker) — whereas, previously, I think those concepts had generally been contained within strictly feminist sites.

Nika: I mean, something I think this piece completely misses is that it’s not really noteworthy that these websites are often silly and inoffensive — what’s interesting and noteworthy is that they actually DO bring many strong, critical, feminist pieces to the forefront, alongside posts about cat bonnets, etc.

Nika: Like do you remember that “Ask an Abortion Provider” essay on The Hairpin? That was astonishing, and it was ALSO (yes, alongside “Women Laughing Alone With Salad”) one of The Hairpin‘s most popular posts of the year.

Nika: I would also like to add that that piece and the comments that follow would, I think, fall within any person’s definition of “sisterhood.” But then again, I also think “bff-dom” is totally valuable. How are they different, in fact? Also, why is it so bad that women are getting along on the internet and then meeting up in person??

Kelly: a) Yes, The Hairpin still has serious/meaty posts to counterbalance the one-liner silly posts. And sometimes these meatier posts even use The Hairpin conversational tone because it makes the concepts easier to digest. Not everything has to be written pedantically.

b) I think Jezebel‘s big “choosy feminists choose their choice” point is actually PIVOTAL when it comes to feminism because feminism at its core is about creating a society where people are equal. Period. Any kind of person with any identity and any background. And that has to come from a place of total acceptance.

c) I think denigrating BFFships actually comes from a place of ingrained misogyny. There, I said it. Because the concept of like, slumber parties and snapping your gum and twirling your hair is looked on as frivolous, but placing value judgments on these kinds of relationships or how some women bond initially is…whack.

Nika: YES. THAT POINT A MILLION TIMES.


 
 
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