While we don’t review music here on Full Stop, we do appreciate quality music criticism when we find it. And that’s why we were so excited to learn that hip-hop’s greatest impersonator, Big Ghostfase (not to be confused with verified Ghostface), has reviewed Watch the Throne, the new album by Kanye West and Jay-Z.

In addition to a lifetime supply of aliases (Volcano Hands, Thor Molecules, Titanium Beard Brother #1, …), the fake Ghostface Killah has an encyclopedic knowledge of hip-hop and a keen eye for mediocrity. It’s always disappointing to read a review in which the reviewer is constantly equivocating and apologizing for not loving the latest work by a great author or artist. But in his review of Watch the Throne, Big Ghost doesn’t hesitate for a second to hold the greats to a higher standard.

Of course, the fake Ghostface, aka the Hand of Zeus, is not just a bastion of integrity; he’s also hilarious, and the review is full of platinum lines. The song “Made in America,” he says, “sounds like two niggas hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son.” And on the album as a whole: “I give this shit a solid 4 Zeus slaps namsayin.”

Here is his review of track 2, “Lift Off (ft. Beyonce)”:

I almost aint wanna even comment on this shit son…. I dont even kno what to say bout it yo. This shit sounds like the anthem the fairies in Ferngully would use to go to war against evil humans to or some shit b. This shit is like Shia LeBeouf in song form yo. Lissenin to this shit is like havin ya ears penetrated by a million microscopic dicks namsayin. Shit sounds like niggas doin aerobics on a magical cloud of daisies. How many meadows did Kanye cartwheel across before he decided to make this beat? Seriously yo…. Jus how many lily pads did the nigga skip across the pond on before he got inspired to make some shit like this? Definitely one a the worst songs Jay ever been involved in…thats includin those lame joints off Vol 3 wit Amil n Mariah or the worst songs off Kingdom Come….EVEN the Timbo joints off Blueprint 3. Like this joint is SOFT son. Guess thats why Jay only spit like 5 n a half bars on it. Its like the song Yung Berg would play before he goes n commits his latest string of L’s. Shit is jus terrible son…especially since it took like 6 niggas to produce this muthafucka.


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