When we lost Achewood, we lost many things. Not least among the many joys was the cathartic “Fuck You Friday,” which would appear infrequently, like some avenging angel, and sow the earth with righteous indignation. Aimed at idiocy in its many forms, Fuck You Fridays flipped the bird for all of us, wielding the F’word like a pennant.

 

Alas, those days are gone, and in this fallen world Friday after Friday passes uncontested. Questions arise: What are we to do, without Onstad to give voice to our frustrations? What recourse do we have in this postlapsarian world? How can we curse the days without diminishing the power of the F’word through our inexpert ravings? Answer: minced oaths OR A Gorblimey Thursday.

According to Wikipedia, a minced oath is “an expression based on a profanity that has been altered to reduce the objectionable characteristics of the original expression”; they list “darn or dang instead of damn; shoot instead of shit; heck instead of hell;…gee, geez, geeze, or jeez instead of Jesus; and crikey, criminy, or cripes instead of Christ.”

To fill the void, Full Stop suggests the following minced oaths. When deployed properly, these oaths can both express dissatisfaction and shield you from the celestial consequences of expressing it. Listed below are some choice oaths for a Gorblimey Thursday as well as their origins:

ruddy – bloody
poppycock – (from the Low Dutch) pappe kak, meaning “soft dung.”
gis/jis – Jesus
egad – oh God
‘snails – God’s Nails
‘struth – by God’s truth
gadzooks – by God’s Hooks (the nails on Christ’s cross)
ods bodkins – by God’s bodikins [i.e. nail] OR God’s sweet body (conflicting hearsay???)
zounds – God’s wounds (gnarly!!!)
¡ay!, caramba! – from: ¡ay! (denoting surprise or pain) and caramba (euphemism for carajo/penis).
bejabbers – by Jesus
blimey – blind me
cor blimey – God blind me
dagnabbit – God damn it
drat – God rot it
land sakes – For the Lord’s sake
sacré bleu – Sang de Dieu (God’s blood)
suffering succotash – suffering Saviour
tarnation – damnation

WARNING: minced oaths may result in your sounding like a dock worker/Looney Tune/affected shit.


 

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